some thoughts

I'm getting weaker now. I go to Gold's gym every morning. I used to lift weights but now I go swim and do isometrics. It's harder to get out of the pool now I noticed yesterday. I don't want to give this up too!

The storm just now hit Provo. Summer is gone, I love the fall colors and crisp air.

I love my family, and the Lord !

this story is like mine now !

Faith and fearlessness
A couple of years ago, Cliff Williams delivered a sermon.

"What would happen if you had a year to live?" he asked his congregation at The Rock Christian Missionary Alliance in Nampa. "What would you do differently?"

He delivered that sermon standing on his own two feet. He reflects on that sermon, now that he can no longer preach - in the wheelchair from which he can barely stand without assistance.

"I've always said live like you're dying because we are."

There is no irony in his voice as he tells the story, nor regret or worry. But 13 months ago, Cliff noticed a twitch in his right arm. It was apparent playing basketball and softball. And he was tired a lot.

When he dropped something and the twitch went into his shoulder and stayed, he made an appointment with a neurologist.

"I went in there thinking this was no big deal. He started looking me over and got real serious. He said my pre-diagnosis (confirmed later) was ALS. I said, 'what is that?' He said, 'Lou Gehrig's disease.' I knew it was bad."

In ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), nerve cells are gradually lost, muscles become weaker and then nonfunctional. Eventually, a person with ALS is paralyzed.

"I walked out the door and everything looked different. When they tell you (that) you have a terminal disease, the world looks a whole lot different."

One thing that isn't different, however, is the way he lives his life. In his answer to the questions his sermon raised, Cliff is content. "I have my faith. I live what I preach," he says.

But he is, in fact, also dying what he preaches.

"The Bible says there is a purpose behind all things É I've seen glimpses of this. (Which is) to understand how to die. And to help my friends and family know that - in the midst of this - I still have faith and trust God."

As his body has deteriorated, Cliff remains firm in his faith at the thought of death. The process of dying, however, is harder. Though there are those who live a long and productive life with ALS, the idea of a keen mind trapped in a paralyzed body can be terrifying.

"Every time I think I can't handle it, I do."

"With every setback, you can get depressed," says Cliff, paraphrasing Morrie Schwartz, a character in the book "Tuesdays with Morrie," who also had ALS. The original quote was published in a book called " In His Own Words."

"Give yourself the freedom to be depressed - but don't stay there."

"I have setbacks almost daily. That's how fast (the disease) is going through my body. I don't even have time to be depressed.

"Live each day (that's what I say). Every day's a new day. I wake up and say, thank you, Lord, for giving me this day. I'm going to make the best of it."

Knowing your diagnosis is both good and bad, Cliff says, but knowing when you're going to die is "a privilege." In part, this means he has time to make amends, forgive what needs forgiven, and fix what needs fixed to end his life with no regrets.

"My life has been serving others. Sometimes, it's difficult to watch people serve me - I don't feel like I deserve it. (But) I know they love me. They're getting a blessing serving us. The Bible says it's better to give than receive - you really do get blessed when you give yourself away."

Indeed, members of his congregation and the Nampa Fire Department, where he is a chaplain, have helped the Williamses move into a new, accessible home, with a garden in the back, complete with a winding path wide enough for a wheelchair.

That he isn't going to be able to enjoy it very long - that hurts, he says. But he does not venture far into "why me?"

"I would rather have this than somebody else. É Rain falls on the just and unjust alike, the Bible says. As Job (in the Bible) says, can I accept the good without the bad? É There are people going through a whole lot worse than me in the world."

Cliff and his wife, Wendy, and four children (all in their 20s) speak openly about Cliff's disease, their plans as his body hits benchmarks of deterioration, his funeral, their lives after his death. They've had family meetings to talk about the last part of his journey.

His wife, Wendy: "We are doing really well about releasing him. É We want our hearts to be in a place of healing already.

"A lot of people don't have time to prepare themselves. Usually the person is gone and then the healing begins. É Even though it's a painful process, it's a gift to him. He's helping the kids, letting go of a normal part of life - we get to share the process."

Cliff has written letters to each of his children and grandchildren, and made videos of fatherly advice for when he would not be around to give it. He taped his role in his son's wedding in November, and taped a wedding dance with his daughter for her eventual (still hypothetical) wedding. "In a (borrowed) wedding dress and tux. It was sweet," says his daughter Chelsea. "Emotional, but sweet."

"I don't know how long, probably months I have left. I'm definitely ready, even though it's hard to leave my family."

Wendy refers to a conversation between Frodo and Sam in Lord of the Rings, and makes it the story of herself and her husband:

"I won't be able to carry his burden, but I will try to help carry him. We cry a lot. It helps with the healing."

© 2009 Idaho Statesman

Do you know someone "living from the heart"? Photojournalist Katherine Jones spotlights someone in the Treasure Valley who influences our lives not only by what they do, but how and why they do it. Do you know someone we should know? Call 377-6414 or e-mail kjones@ idahostatesman.com.


Katherine Jones / kjones@idahostatesman.com

"The last part of this journey is really hard," says Cliff Williams, 51, who was diagnosed with ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease, more than a year ago. "I pray É I really felt the Lord saying for me to die with dignity and grace É" Cliff and his family talk freely about the journey that Cliff is taking - one in which his family and extended family "is walking with him, helping him to his final destination," says his wife, Wendy.

Cliff and Wendy Williams formed a foundation called ALS - A Legacy of Service, which helps people go on short-term mission trips. Cliff went on more than a dozen such trips to Mexico, El Salvador and Congo.

"It impacted me to see how a huge part of the world lives in poverty, just oppressed," Cliff said. "And watching what short-term mission trips did for young people - a catalyst for serving others. To get out of their selfish, self-centered mindset and say, what can I do to make a difference?"

Search on Facebook causes for Cliff Williams ALS - A Legacy of Service - Foundation.

The foundation will sponsor a half-marathon and 5K race in Marsing on Nov. 7.

"The last part of this journey is really hard," says Cliff Williams, 51, who was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, more than a year ago. "I pray É I really felt the Lord saying for me to die with dignity and grace É"

Wendy: "We are learning how to live in the moment. None of us knows the future. We will all be in this place someday, ready to die."

Cliff: "(We need) to try and have joy in the midst of suffering. To look for the good in people and in life - there's a lot of good. The disease has made me really stop and reflect a whole lot more."

Learn about ALS

http://www.als-mda.org/disease/als.html

MORMON SISTER KNIGHT

Gladys Knight Tells Floridians, "This is the Light"
By Geoffrey Biddulph

Gladys Knight and her 60-person choir of Latter-day Saints gave four
performances for more than 5,000 people in southern Florida last week.

"This is the way, this is the light," she said in teary testimony
regarding The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Gladys Knight is famous worldwide for such songs as "I Heard it Through
the Grapevine" and "Midnight Train to Georgia." Over the weekend, she,
along with her choir and a three-person band gave four shows to
thousands of members and non-member investigators, who crowded into the
Fort Lauderdale Florida stake center building. They heard Knight's
renditions of "Because I have been Given Much" and "I am a Child of
God," as well as several Gospel songs that are not in the Church hymn book.

Knight sang several solos, but she also directed several choir members
who also took the stage alone. They sang songs such as "Uphold Me with
Thy Sweet Spirit" and "Oh, How I Love Jesus" with a swelling choir
behind them.

The highlight of the evening was certainly when the famed singer and her
husband both gave their testimonies of the restored gospel.

"It is indeed a miracle that I belong to this church," Sister Knight
said. "The image of the Church in the past has not been conducive to my
being here. It shows His hand in motion. An African-American woman: Who
knew I would have a calling such as this?"

Knight has indeed been given a special calling by the Brethren to travel
throughout the world giving her testimony both in speech and through
song. Given her fame and her reputation, she may be a vessel for
bringing thousands of tens of thousands to investigate the Church.

Several years ago, Gladys Knight's son was the first member of her
family to look at the Church. After he got baptized, her daughter came next.

Sister Knight described her search for God's true church, which came
after the baptism of her children:

"I was raised in a Baptist home. We spent all day on Sunday at church. I
was kind of all over the place religiously. I was a Baptist and then a
Catholic and then I went to several other churches. I was seeking. There
was something good in every one of those churches, but I thought there's
got to be more. My daughter Kenya said, 'talk to the missionaries. ' I
fell in love right away. They were respectful, and the first thing they
said was,
'Can we pray?' I believe in the power of prayer. They told me, 'You
check it out.' I got on my knees and asked the Lord, and I got my
answer. I couldn't wait for my next lessons. I said I wanted to get
baptized tomorrow."

Very soon after that, she was baptized.

Her husband, William McDowell, gave an eloquent and humor-laced
testimony about his courtship and marriage to one of the most famous
singers around.

They met because he was the manager of a spa in San Diego. "As Gladys
kept traveling around the world, and I kept on traveling around San
Diego, it was common knowledge Gladys has lost her mind and had joined
those Mormons," Brother McDowell said.

He would go to visit her in Las Vegas and, "There were a lot of young
men on bicycles who kept on visiting — hungry young men on bicycles."

McDowell added, "They kept on saying they belonged to the true church of
Jesus Christ. I was raised very Baptist by god-fearing people, my
grandparents. How could they not be members of the true church?"

But McDowell said he went to seminary and read The Book of Mormon and
then got on his knees and asked, and "I received the answers. My
grandparents had prepared me to recognize the Truth when I saw it."

He acknowledged his brother, who was in the audience, and said, "This is
the first time he has heard my testimony. Hopefully I can bring my
family to a truth. The Church of Jesus Christ has been restored. It was
restored by a young boy, Joseph Smith, who in a field saw God the Father
and Jesus Christ."

McDowell continued, "Take the time to research and find out for
yourself. Take the time to pick up The Book of Mormon. Ask whether it is
true. If you want to see a miracle, just think that Gladys Knight is
running a choir in the Mormon Church."

He then introduced his wife as "Gladys Knight McDowell," and she sang a
song to which Brother McDowell wrote the lyrics — "He Lives." It was a
very moving song about the Savior that Knight sang to a misty-eyed crowd.

"I have to give this testimony of mine," Knight said. "I have no other
choice. Sometimes the truth is right before you and you don't see it."

Knight said that it has sometimes been difficult for her to tell people
she is a Mormon. "But this is the true church. It has the 12 apostles,
just like Jesus' church. Just like the people in Jesus' day, we need to
look farther for the truth. The people in those days got the same
ridicule we get today. I was willing to risk that for the honor of
serving him."

She asked non-members in the audience, "At least see for yourselves. At
least be obedient to that end." She then went into the audience to shake
hands and give hugs to the many people who adore her.

Mission President Noel Reynolds said his missionaries received 425 solid
referrals from the event.

"The missionaries from the Haitian branch brought 17 people, and one
young lady asked to be baptized right away after hearing Gladys Knight's
testimony," President Reynolds said. Another ward mission leader had
been asking his father, a Baptist, to hear the discussions for year. His
father finally agreed with enthusiasm after attending the Gladys Knight
event.

The Lord Knew
Posted: 14 Sep 2009 12:00 AM PDT
"In 1830 when the Lord sent Parley P. Pratt, Oliver Cowdery, Peter Whitmer, and Ziba Peterson to the Lamanites he added:" '. . . I myself will go with them and be in their midst; and I am their advocate with the Father, and nothing shall prevail against them.' (D&C 32:3.)". . . And then he said," '. . . And, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. . . .' (Matt. 28:20.) . . ."Again as Mark records the events after the resurrection, he upbraided those who had some doubts about his resurrection; then commanded them:" '. . . Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.' (Mark 16:15.)"And this was just before the ascension. Do you think he meant Egypt and Palestine and Greece? Do you think he included the world of 33 A.D. or the world of 1970, 1980, 1990? What was included in his phrase 'all the world' and what did he mean by 'every creature'? . . ."I am constrained to believe that at that time the Lord knew the bounds of the habitations of man and the areas that would be settled and already knew his people who would possess this world."
Spencer W. Kimball, "When the World Will Be Converted", Ensign, Oct. 1974, 4–5

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random thoughts

thanks to all my family, dear friends, and others who try to help me with this als disease in any way , with pills potions, good wishes, prayers, etc. i really do feel better with all the help. reliv, in fuse, max gxl, kangen water, chromium pricollinate, acidopholus, lithium, quinine, vit. E, B, C, omega3, are helping me last longer in this life. my heart is full as i contemplate dying///// i want to take care of my family before i go please God.