this story is like mine now !

Faith and fearlessness
A couple of years ago, Cliff Williams delivered a sermon.

"What would happen if you had a year to live?" he asked his congregation at The Rock Christian Missionary Alliance in Nampa. "What would you do differently?"

He delivered that sermon standing on his own two feet. He reflects on that sermon, now that he can no longer preach - in the wheelchair from which he can barely stand without assistance.

"I've always said live like you're dying because we are."

There is no irony in his voice as he tells the story, nor regret or worry. But 13 months ago, Cliff noticed a twitch in his right arm. It was apparent playing basketball and softball. And he was tired a lot.

When he dropped something and the twitch went into his shoulder and stayed, he made an appointment with a neurologist.

"I went in there thinking this was no big deal. He started looking me over and got real serious. He said my pre-diagnosis (confirmed later) was ALS. I said, 'what is that?' He said, 'Lou Gehrig's disease.' I knew it was bad."

In ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), nerve cells are gradually lost, muscles become weaker and then nonfunctional. Eventually, a person with ALS is paralyzed.

"I walked out the door and everything looked different. When they tell you (that) you have a terminal disease, the world looks a whole lot different."

One thing that isn't different, however, is the way he lives his life. In his answer to the questions his sermon raised, Cliff is content. "I have my faith. I live what I preach," he says.

But he is, in fact, also dying what he preaches.

"The Bible says there is a purpose behind all things É I've seen glimpses of this. (Which is) to understand how to die. And to help my friends and family know that - in the midst of this - I still have faith and trust God."

As his body has deteriorated, Cliff remains firm in his faith at the thought of death. The process of dying, however, is harder. Though there are those who live a long and productive life with ALS, the idea of a keen mind trapped in a paralyzed body can be terrifying.

"Every time I think I can't handle it, I do."

"With every setback, you can get depressed," says Cliff, paraphrasing Morrie Schwartz, a character in the book "Tuesdays with Morrie," who also had ALS. The original quote was published in a book called " In His Own Words."

"Give yourself the freedom to be depressed - but don't stay there."

"I have setbacks almost daily. That's how fast (the disease) is going through my body. I don't even have time to be depressed.

"Live each day (that's what I say). Every day's a new day. I wake up and say, thank you, Lord, for giving me this day. I'm going to make the best of it."

Knowing your diagnosis is both good and bad, Cliff says, but knowing when you're going to die is "a privilege." In part, this means he has time to make amends, forgive what needs forgiven, and fix what needs fixed to end his life with no regrets.

"My life has been serving others. Sometimes, it's difficult to watch people serve me - I don't feel like I deserve it. (But) I know they love me. They're getting a blessing serving us. The Bible says it's better to give than receive - you really do get blessed when you give yourself away."

Indeed, members of his congregation and the Nampa Fire Department, where he is a chaplain, have helped the Williamses move into a new, accessible home, with a garden in the back, complete with a winding path wide enough for a wheelchair.

That he isn't going to be able to enjoy it very long - that hurts, he says. But he does not venture far into "why me?"

"I would rather have this than somebody else. É Rain falls on the just and unjust alike, the Bible says. As Job (in the Bible) says, can I accept the good without the bad? É There are people going through a whole lot worse than me in the world."

Cliff and his wife, Wendy, and four children (all in their 20s) speak openly about Cliff's disease, their plans as his body hits benchmarks of deterioration, his funeral, their lives after his death. They've had family meetings to talk about the last part of his journey.

His wife, Wendy: "We are doing really well about releasing him. É We want our hearts to be in a place of healing already.

"A lot of people don't have time to prepare themselves. Usually the person is gone and then the healing begins. É Even though it's a painful process, it's a gift to him. He's helping the kids, letting go of a normal part of life - we get to share the process."

Cliff has written letters to each of his children and grandchildren, and made videos of fatherly advice for when he would not be around to give it. He taped his role in his son's wedding in November, and taped a wedding dance with his daughter for her eventual (still hypothetical) wedding. "In a (borrowed) wedding dress and tux. It was sweet," says his daughter Chelsea. "Emotional, but sweet."

"I don't know how long, probably months I have left. I'm definitely ready, even though it's hard to leave my family."

Wendy refers to a conversation between Frodo and Sam in Lord of the Rings, and makes it the story of herself and her husband:

"I won't be able to carry his burden, but I will try to help carry him. We cry a lot. It helps with the healing."

© 2009 Idaho Statesman

Do you know someone "living from the heart"? Photojournalist Katherine Jones spotlights someone in the Treasure Valley who influences our lives not only by what they do, but how and why they do it. Do you know someone we should know? Call 377-6414 or e-mail kjones@ idahostatesman.com.


Katherine Jones / kjones@idahostatesman.com

"The last part of this journey is really hard," says Cliff Williams, 51, who was diagnosed with ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease, more than a year ago. "I pray É I really felt the Lord saying for me to die with dignity and grace É" Cliff and his family talk freely about the journey that Cliff is taking - one in which his family and extended family "is walking with him, helping him to his final destination," says his wife, Wendy.

Cliff and Wendy Williams formed a foundation called ALS - A Legacy of Service, which helps people go on short-term mission trips. Cliff went on more than a dozen such trips to Mexico, El Salvador and Congo.

"It impacted me to see how a huge part of the world lives in poverty, just oppressed," Cliff said. "And watching what short-term mission trips did for young people - a catalyst for serving others. To get out of their selfish, self-centered mindset and say, what can I do to make a difference?"

Search on Facebook causes for Cliff Williams ALS - A Legacy of Service - Foundation.

The foundation will sponsor a half-marathon and 5K race in Marsing on Nov. 7.

"The last part of this journey is really hard," says Cliff Williams, 51, who was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, more than a year ago. "I pray É I really felt the Lord saying for me to die with dignity and grace É"

Wendy: "We are learning how to live in the moment. None of us knows the future. We will all be in this place someday, ready to die."

Cliff: "(We need) to try and have joy in the midst of suffering. To look for the good in people and in life - there's a lot of good. The disease has made me really stop and reflect a whole lot more."

Learn about ALS

http://www.als-mda.org/disease/als.html